Grief and loss

GRIEF AND LOSS:

The grief that follows the unexpected death of a young person is shattering. Those reading this don’t need any further descriptions of this grief as you all have experienced it. It is terrible and hard. Remarkably, people still seem to learn how to grieve and continue to live with meaning at the same time. It can be helpful to have opportunities to just tell it as it is, without diminishing the severe impacts, and we can, at the same time, function with a sense of purpose in life. Connection, support and loving relationships are always helpful, as is working out how to maintain our relationship with our beloved young person who has died. There are no stages of grief, but human beings are amazing in how they chart a pathway forward and work out what works for them. All the emotions that are felt are totally normal, and however these are expressed is just an expression of the individuality within us all. 

These are some resources about different aspects of grieving that you might find helpful: 

Hone, L.C., (2016). Resilient Grieving: This book discusses practical strategies that help build resilience, and is written by an academic researcher whose beloved daughter died.

Larry Weeks (host), “Resilient Grieving:  Dr Lucy Hone talks about living with loss.” Bounce, Ep 7, 17 July 2017. Podcast: Resilient Grieving by Dr Lucy Hone
EP.7: RESILIENT GRIEVING: DR. LUCY HONE TALKS ABOUT LIVING WITH LOSS | Larry Weeks
This covers similar ground to the author’s book, but you can sit down and listen via podcast.

Caroline Lloyd, author of Grief Demystified debunking four common myths about grief and loss.  Grief Demystified: Debunking four common myths about grief and loss
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hEhwJvr14E
This podcast by an America academic debunks some common myths including the ‘stages of grief’ theory, that we should be all expressing our grief all the time and if we’re not talking about it there is something wrong, and that people need to ‘get over it.’

Beyond Closure: Nancy Berns at TEDxDesMoines
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0rCfXSdYPE
This Ted talk is about the myth of ‘closure’ and talks instead of how grief and joy can coexist.

Helping or Harming? Psychology Today Blog by Dr Hone https://www.psychologytoday.com/nz/blog/resilient-grieving/202004/helping-or-harming
This blog from the popular ‘Psychology Today’ website gives people a strategy to use as they try to work out how to cope with their grief.

Nora McInerny’s TED talk
https://www.ted.com/talks/nora_mcinerny_we_don_t_move_on_from_grief_we_move_forward_with_it?language=en
Amongst other things, this TED talk focuses on the uncomfortableness of grief for those around the bereaved, in a very entertaining talk.

whatsyourgrief.com, Blog post Continuing Bonds: Shifting the Grief Paradigm
https://whatsyourgrief.com/continuing-bonds-shifting-the-grief-paradigm/
This blog talks about how to continue bonds with your loved one after they have died. This website can be explored further too as it contains a wealth of material on grieving.

The Renewing Power of Ritual by Fabiana Fondevila for Gratefulness.org
https://gratefulness.org/blog/renewing-power-ritual/
This article talks about how helpful rituals can be when we are grieving

Dr Lucy Hone Dr Lucy Hone’s TED talk, (2019), 3 Secrets of Resilient People TEDXChristchurch, (2019). Dr Lucy Hone: 3 Secrets of Resilient People
Lucy Hone: 3 secrets of resilient people | TED Talk
This very inspiring TED talk will give you three practical strategies to help cope with grief.

Mal McKissock & Dianne Coping with Grief 2018 5th Edition Harper Collins Publishers
This book, written by two Australian counsellors and educators, describes the experience of grief and offers some practical advice.